Why am I so fat? Or how can I make better eating choices?
The two questions proclaimed might revolve around a similar obstacle; however, undeniably they are subjected to contrasting responses. The questions you ask yourself in a sturdy situation can have a mighty impact on the performance.
Psychologists term this as the locus of control or the ability of individuals to have control over their situations and experiences that can affect their lives. In simple terms, you can elucidate this to be a more empowering way to challenge yourself.
There are two types of questions you can ask yourself in any given situation; Disempowering or empowering questions. People with an internal locus of control believe they have the power to change and affect their circumstances while people with an external locus of control are certain that things just happen to them.
Why should I even try?
Why does this always happen to me?
Why don’t I have any money?
Every one of these questions takes away your power and it only reinforces a negative perception that nothing is achievable beyond this.
On the other hand, people with an internal locus of control have the power to change their lives.
What can I learn to make this happen?
How can I resolve this?
What can I do to make more money?
See the difference? Once you choose to stop asking yourself disempowering questions, you instantly become motivated to act. We always have the answers we’re looking for. The key is to ask the RIGHT questions. According to Kenneth foster, author of Ask and you will succeed. On an average people have about 60,000 thoughts per day. How can you change your life if you’re not changing the way you think? And how can you change your thoughts, if you don’t intend to change the questions you ask yourself?
Here is a powerful example of how changing the questions you ask can change the outcome.
A Japanese attorney had come to America to get a job. He and his pregnant wife were living in a small hotel room and they were quickly running out of money. He’d been to several job interviews but had so far failed to get a job offer. Day after day the phone would ring and he would repeatedly hear the words ‘’We’re sorry, we have hired another candidate. The Japanese attorney was on the verge of giving up when his wife saw an ad about a recruitment coach. She suggested him to give it a try. The attorney started the conversation with the recruitment coach by asking ‘’why aren’t companies hiring me? What am I doing wrong? The interviewer helped the attorney realise that he was simply asking the wrong questions. He instructed the attorney to ask positive and empowering questions like ‘’what is my best skill as an attorney? ‘’what can I possibly do to improve my job skills? Within 10 days of changing the locus of control form external to internal, the Japanese attorney was successful in securing a great job.
Arguably you might call this a matter of perception and positive thinking. However, beyond doubt we have been unintentionally asking ourselves such disempowering questions in controllable situations. Each one of us has elements in life we can control and elements we have almost no control over. There is a significant difference between strong faith in destiny and having control over your own future. The ‘go with the flow’ factor is when we are unable to change situations beyond our control. The best example being the current pandemic we tackled with. As a lay man, the spread and extreme severity was beyond our control, however, we were certainly able to make the best out of the given by being productive and hopeful about the future and doing the best we can. So now, rather than asking yourself why has this happened? Ask yourself how you can still be optimistic?